Everyday's a story

Close my Eyes

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 08:16:33 GMT

Well today was interesting you could say. I woke up at like 9:30 for the first time in like EVER! haha. I was so bored up all day not doing anything kinda lame, but I had the dilly to keep me entertained.

I've been thinking about maybe getting back into the dating field and see what my opitions are. This area I'm in now really doesn't have much to offer me lol, sooo white trashy. I know someone who lives in the dorms at the Bible College like 2 minutes away. Maybe I can talk her into hooking me up with some of her friends. Yes I'm a horny little guy but I don't care lol I'll still be holding on my virginity until I feel ready to lose it.

An interesting topic came to my mind today after talking to some friends. A friend of mine in florida was telling about some stuff he and his friends did while they were high. Lets just say its some stuff they really regret doing and what not. So I sat here thinking can people use things such as alcohol and weed as excuses in doing something? I know for a fact that you can control your actions even if your intoxicated or high. I can remember every detail from every new years eve party I got trashed at. I always thought to be drunk you couldn't remember anything and thats not true apparently. So am I to believe that if someone does something and they say alcohol or drugs had something to do with that happening should you believe it? I don't because I know for a fact you can control yourself in any situation. Failing to do so makes you less of a person for giving in so easily.

Meh.

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 09:02:52 GMT

Crossfade - Cold
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me

...now on to the entry

Can I end the suffering by ending my life? My existence is meaningless as well as worthless. When you trip and fall you get back up but when I fell someone's there to put two bullets in my knees. So I say fuck life as we know it. My existence is only here to be shattered and the pieces used to cut my heart out. "You gotta have faith" they say but really why? Why have faith when its never been there. How can I believe in something thats never once helped me. When everything in my life has been the writings of a never ending drama.
You know people ask me why I'm acting this way lately. Well to be honest I just don't give a flying fuck anymore about anything and I could careless. All this talk to try and "cheer" me up or whatever is useless. Theres is not a thing you could do or say to me that will make me go back to the way I was. Don't feel bad for me don't feel sorry for me it doesn't do anything to me.
I'm tired of letting everything I want getting away from me. No not getting...being toren from my grasp. I have finally figured out my meaning of life and its to fail. Fail at life. I seem to be guided into that path and theres no detour to get me out.

I'm tired of not having...
I'm tired of not being able...
I'm tired of letting things slip away...
I'm tired of missing out...
I'm tired of....being alive

whoa

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 07:09:33 GMT

I have a live journal now...and some friends LOL go me and my...um what do I have?